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Author's Update: -- I did in fact land the position with Equinox and do in fact love every ounce of it.
-- There is a fellow auditioning for "Leading Gentleman" in my life; updates on his performance will be forth coming.
Otherwise, I'm off to a week long cruise tomorrow and will not be returning until late on the 5th of July. Please be advised, I will not have my cell phone with me.
**SQUEE!** -- bounces to bed :0)
in case I forget -- thanks again Lana & Jake for inviting me, I had a lovely time! |
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Beyond cam-stuff (which other than my spewing vitriol at global has been just fine actually), I felt it important to drop a line or two on what I'm up to so people don't think that I'm depressed or cranky out of season.
As of last 3 months or so, I have been hitting the gym at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. I never thought I'd say it, but I do in fact love it. Call it crazy, call it whatever you like, but I actually feel better for it.
There is something deeply satisfying to me now when I push myself that little bit farther, of having watched over the past 90 days my puny arms slowly gaining definition and honestly just becoming leaner. It shows not only in my waist line, but most happily in my face. It's nice to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and not being with an itemized list of imperfections and flaws, but to look in the mirror and smile and say "hey...not bad, kiddo. not bad."
There have also been "mood" changes. I've decided life is far and away too short to obsess over stupid things and (generally speaking) I don't sweat the small stuff. It's not a perfect conversion, but I sleep better nowadays and my relationships with my folks is better.
Life keeps on moving, and with every passing day my ephemeral dreams are slowly tempering themselves into attainable goals. All it takes is patience, a skill I am picking up later in life than might be best, but better late than never. |
| » Birthday |
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I think your safe though, I don't think the staff at the brew dances around clapping and singing to the table. They might do a candle though...
Jan. 23rd, 2008 @ 10:02 am
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| » Absentee... |
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i wanted to appologize to everyone for my falling off the face of the universe. i have no excuse other than it feels like my world is hanging on by threads, and i wonder if it was just destroyed and fell apart, if i couldn't just pick up the pieces and build anew.
i hate none of you, miss you all dearly, and hope madly that i haven't lost those nearest and dearest to my heart as i desperately try to keep my head above water. the irony is, it is not the season that is magnifying this depression, but family and circumstance.
i want to get out and i know that i could probably lead a happier and healthier life elsewhere, but i cannot with the knowledge that it could rip my family apart.
i feel as though the only times i post anymore are for when im angry or depressed, and realize that this must be by far one of the sorriest journals to read. its not even for attention but because this is the one place i feel i can lift my voice without fear of reprisal.
when i have a new phone, and when things a little better, i will resume contact.
something else: i need to get out of this place for a few days, i just need to get away; preferably someplace "not cold". if anyone could stand to have a house guest for a few days, i pack light and make amazing martinis :)
Jan. 22nd, 2008 @ 10:04 pm
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| » mini-melt down |
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so tonight i had a mini-meltdown and it sucked, but it's over and i'm going to pull through.
its going to be okay, somehow; someway, one day.
Jan. 13th, 2008 @ 01:18 am
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| » Christmas Review |
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Christmas Eve: Went with parents to Christmas Eve Services @ Church; as ever I enjoy the spectacle and pageantry of the affair but as per usual the homilies and sermons leave me empty feeling. Particularly when the minister is especially "fire & brimstone!" Frankly, save the fire and brimstone! for Good Friday or for Easter. At Christmas, I like my empty feeling sermons/homilies full of hope about this new born wonder.
After said service Audra and I went out and wound up at o'Donnel's; as there is really nothing quite like a sassy black woman and a fancy queer @ an Irish pub on Christmas Eve. Nor, is there anything quite like it when your co-worker at the family business comes in and winds up buying you a round.
Christmas Day: On the subject of gift exchange I will say only that I was happy with how my gifts were received and was overwhelmed with what I in turn received.
I was rather happy with the way everything was quite thoroughly festive and happy. I prefer this holiday to be full of laughter rather than maudlin recollections as thats what we have on Thanksgiving.
However, there were a few "Christmas Mysteries".
One being "Is Donald still with Christian?"; as my cousin Don has been with this super hot british guy Chris for a few years; so the family clearly buys presents for Chris. Chris was not at Christmas this year, so the natural progression would be to give those gifts to Don with the saying of "Oh, this is for Chris". I didn't notice anything awry until Barbara Jane gave him one such a gift after a good stream of them and he gave this odd sort of smile that never quite reached his eyes, as he put it aside. There was also a slightly funny story that in the course of it sort of teased on Chris, and Don smiled a little bigger and laughed a little longer than everyone else. The super sleuth in me suggests there was a break up; but going up to your devastatingly handsome and successful 40 something cousin, of whom you might see a total of six times in 12 months "So...you and chris are quits?" There is just no gentle, non-intrusive way of finding that information out.
The second one is entitled "Merry Christmas, Who Are You?" As we arrive and take off our coats and walk into the living room, there is a pretty woman in her mid 40s with generously bleached hair with liberal highlights and lowlights; and what would later learn; her two painfully awkward children in throes of being puberties' kick toys. The boy was really just more shy than anything else (understandable with my lunatic family); however, the daughter was another story; and on her I shall simply begin and end on "She has a grill straight off of 'Pimp My Ride'"). However, I have never met these people in my life. I zero in on the boy, and figure he's of age with Jillian (my uber cool teenage cousin-girl will be a true snark-a-tron before her prom); and ponder "Perhaps this is the first boyfriend." And I think I have this mystery fairly sewn up; Awkward son is dating my beautiful cousin, and it was only social propriety that the Mid-Life Crisis Mommy & Sister be invited too.
However, even at that age, even in a room full of people, if you feel too nervous to be next to your boy/girl friend; there is alot of peeking and blushing; attempts to sit near, etc. I think Jillian and Jon looked at each other a total of half a dozen times with zero blushing, and perhaps more telling, no teasing from anyone in my family. Which truly, if they were dating, they're be ribbing. However, Jillian did blush at the mention of a boyfriend, and was texting like she stole something. So I concluded that no, indeed, they were not an item. So I leave off with;
"Is anyone missing family members? Did they suddenly toddle off and you can't find them no matter how many blocks you drive around calling out their names? If so, do call me as I think they may have stumbled into our Christmas Party."
Dec. 26th, 2007 @ 11:25 pm
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| » For The Role Players |
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It seems risque, but shows nothing and ends in a funny, yet cute way. It also seemed freaking appropriate for the Larpers.
Dec. 12th, 2007 @ 11:28 am
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amused